Phantom Limbs XIV

Well this is the first post in ages. work has really been dragging my morale down and made it hard to get the drive to write but hopefully ic an get back on the waggon and finish this before i go on holiday for a month.

 

Wednesday 12th September 2116

James Dylan’s Audio Diary

Well here I am again, back in the bar. If there is one good thing to say it’s that the dreams are gone. The good ones and the bad. When I go to sleep I pretty much just shut off, when I wake up it is like no time has passed at all, it’s justs suddenly day. I can’t say I am overly thrilled about that but if it keeps those horrific nightmares away I would have done anything. That brings me back to what I have done. Joanna doesn’t know about the arm upgrade yet. I’m an idiot but I was smart enough to get the same coverings put back on so my arm doesn’t look any different. Still, it feels like she knows. She hardly looks at me anymore. I’m starting to feel my old self again and she just seems to be falling back further away from me. After my first nights sleep when I woke feeling fully rested I tried to give her a hug and she pulled away from me. In 11 years of marriage she has never refused a hug even if she has been busy. I feel like somehow this process of recovering has effected her so badly. All the time I thought it might have been me changing, that somehow it was my fault things were falling apart. What if actually it was her that was changing. All this time I was angry at her but she couldn’t help it, she’s been affected more deeply by this than she can let on, trying to be strong for Mily. I feel like such am imbecile that I didn’t see it before. I need to get home and show her how I can be strong now for all of us, she doesn’t need to anymore.

Work is even starting to progress along again. This upgrade is great. I was never a great typer before, hence all the audio diaries I guess. But now it’s like I hardly need to even be looking at the screen and I can be editing reports and everything else I need to do. This upgrade was a great idea, I’ll be moving up the ladder at rocket speed before long. The old colleagues are still being bitter about everything. They haven’t invited me out recently. Hardly even look at me to tell you the truth. So childish. And after they were so supportive when they thought I was a cripple. Though I guess they showed as much sympathy to Phil as well and nothing was wrong with him. Speaking of I now know Phil is back on the bottle. Poor sod, I would almost feel sympathy but it could be a problem in the company. Can’t have drunks about, we already know they can cause accidents. Anyway, time to go be strong for the family. One more quick drink and then back home we go. I am starting to think that everything might turn out alright.

James Dylan logged out.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s